Self-Love By John Donne (attributed) (Poem, Summary, Paraphrase, Analysis & Questions)

 

Self-Love

By John Donne (attributed)

(Poem, Summary, Paraphrase, Analysis & Questions) 

Self-Love

He that cannot choose but love,

And strives against it still,

Never shall my fancy move,

For he loves 'gainst his will;

Nor he which is all his own,

And can at pleasure choose,

When I am caught, he can be gone,

And when he list refuse.

Nor he that loves none but fair,

For such by all are sought;

Nor he that can for foul ones care,

For his judgement then is naught;

Nor he that hath wit, for he

Will make me his jest or slave;

Nor a fool, for when others...

He can neither like nor save;

Nor he that still his mistress pays,

For she is thralled therefore;

Nor he that pays not, for he says

Within, she's worth no more.

Is there then no kind of men

Whom I may freely prove?

I will vent that humour then

In mine own self-love.

 

Summary

Lines 1–4:

The speaker begins by saying he is not interested in someone who is unable to help falling in love, even though he tries to resist it. Such a person is not appealing to him because their love isn’t deliberate or chosen — it’s involuntary.

 

Lines 5–8:

He rejects the type of man who is completely independent and in control of his emotions — someone who can choose to love or leave at his convenience. The speaker does not want to be with someone who could abandon him whenever he wishes.

 

Lines 9–12:

He also dislikes someone who only loves beautiful women, because everyone desires them and such a love lacks originality. But he equally rejects someone who can love unattractive women, because he thinks such a person has poor judgment.

 

Lines 13–16:

The speaker dismisses a witty (clever) man, because he might mock or control him. But he also dismisses a fool, since such a person cannot appreciate or help others.

 

Lines 17–20:

He doesn’t like a man who constantly gives gifts or money to his lover, as it enslaves her. But he also dislikes a man who gives nothing, because that implies he doesn’t value her.

 

Final Lines:

Is there then no kind of men

Whom I may freely prove?

I will vent that humour then

In mine own self-love.

Having gone through and rejected all types of men for various reasons, the speaker concludes there is no suitable man to love. So, instead of loving others, he decides to focus on loving himself.

 

Line-by-line Paraphrase

He that cannot choose but love,

And strives against it still,

Never shall my fancy move,

For he loves 'gainst his will;

A man who can’t help falling in love,

And keeps struggling against it,

Will never attract me,

Because he’s loving without truly wanting to.

 

Nor he which is all his own,

And can at pleasure choose,

When I am caught, he can be gone,

And when he list refuse.

A man who is totally independent

And can pick and choose love as he pleases,

Could leave me once I’m attached,

Or reject me whenever he wants — I don’t want him either.

 

Nor he that loves none but fair,

For such by all are sought;

Nor he that can for foul ones care,

For his judgement then is naught;

I won’t choose a man who only loves beautiful women,

Because everyone chases them.

Nor will I choose one who loves unattractive women,

Because that would mean he has no good judgment.

 

Nor he that hath wit, for he

Will make me his jest or slave;

Nor a fool, for when others...

He can neither like nor save;

Not a clever man either,

Because he might turn me into a joke or control me.

But I don’t want a fool either,

Because he won’t value anyone or be able to help.

 

Nor he that still his mistress pays,

For she is thralled therefore;

Nor he that pays not, for he says

Within, she's worth no more.

I reject the man who keeps giving his lover money,

Because that puts her in a position of dependence.

But I also reject the one who gives nothing,

Because he probably thinks she’s worthless.

 

Is there then no kind of men

Whom I may freely prove?

I will vent that humour then

In mine own self-love.

So is there no kind of man

I can try loving without problems?

If that’s the case,

Then I’ll just express that desire through loving myself.

 

Analysis in Detail

The poem Self-Love is a witty and satirical monologue in which the speaker reflects on different types of men, systematically rejecting each one as unsuitable for love. Eventually, frustrated by the flaws he sees in others, the speaker concludes that self-love is the only reliable form of affection. This theme aligns with the kind of intellectual cleverness often seen in John Donne’s metaphysical poetry.

 

Theme:

Impossibility of Ideal Love:

The speaker is in search of an ideal man to love but finds faults in every kind. This shows the unrealistic expectations we often place on love and human relationships.

Self-Love as a Solution:

When no external love meets the speaker’s standards, the only logical conclusion is to turn inward. Self-love becomes a kind of last resort, but it’s also a declaration of independence and self-sufficiency.

Judgment and Discontent:

The poem is essentially a catalog of reasons for dissatisfaction. The speaker criticizes people for being too emotional, too rational, too generous, too stingy, etc.—which reflects how hard it is to be satisfied with others.

 

Voice and Tone:

The voice is personal, witty, and slightly mocking. The speaker seems intelligent but also cynical. There’s a tone of exasperation throughout, mixed with humor and sharp judgment.

The final twist—choosing self-love—adds a tone of irony. The speaker starts with an apparent desire for romantic connection but ends in self-sufficiency, possibly revealing more about his own pride or inability to compromise than about the men he critiques.

 

Structure and Progression:

The poem has a clear progression:

The speaker considers one type of man after another.

Each is dismissed for a particular flaw.

The criteria range from emotional tendencies to physical preferences, intellect, and generosity.

After exhausting all options, the speaker concludes that no man is good enough and therefore turns to self-love.

This list-like structure allows for a rhythmic repetition, almost like a chant or litany of rejection.

 

Use of Wit and Irony:

True to metaphysical poetry, the poem employs clever reasoning and paradox. For example:

The speaker rejects a man who gives too much, but also one who gives nothing.

A witty man might mock him; a fool is too dumb to love.

This back-and-forth reveals the speaker’s intellectual snobbery but also an awareness of human contradictions.

There’s also an ironic contradiction at the core: the speaker seems to be seeking love but refuses to accept any imperfect form of it—which, of course, is the only kind that exists.

 

Psychological Portrait:

This poem can also be read as a psychological self-portrait. The speaker’s impossibly high standards suggest fear of vulnerability, control issues, or deep self-absorption. The final turn to self-love might be a clever punchline—or a mask for loneliness and dissatisfaction.

 

Language and Style:

The diction is concise and pointed. Words like “jest,” “thralled,” and “prove” carry layered meanings.

Balanced phrases and contrasts dominate: “he that pays” vs. “he that pays not”; “he that hath wit” vs. “a fool.” This rhetorical balance adds to the sense of deliberate logic.

The repetition of “Nor he...” creates a rhythm of elimination, reinforcing the speaker’s strict standards and persistent disappointment.

 

Poetic Devices:

Anaphora: The repeated use of “Nor he that…” emphasizes rejection and adds a lyrical cadence.

Antithesis: Opposing ideas are set side by side to dramatize choices, e.g., wit vs. folly, beauty vs. ugliness.

Irony: The final embrace of self-love undercuts the entire search for love with a twist of intellectual self-satisfaction.

 

Conclusion:

Self-Love is a clever, ironic, and self-revealing poem that critiques both romantic ideals and human flaws. Through satire and sharp reasoning, the speaker illustrates how hard it is to find someone who meets all our expectations—and how that pursuit might lead one back to the self, not out of strength, but perhaps as a subtle confession of pride or fear.

 

Possible Exam Questions     

Who is the speaker in the poem Self-Love, and what is he searching for?

 

Why does the speaker reject a man who “cannot choose but love”?

 

What kind of men does the speaker consider unworthy of love?

 

What conclusion does the speaker draw at the end of the poem?

 

What is meant by the line “And when he list refuse”?

 

How does the speaker view men who either pay or don’t pay their mistresses?

 

What poetic device is used repeatedly in the lines beginning with “Nor he…”?

 

Q Read the lines and answer the following:

“Nor he that hath wit, for he

Will make me his jest or slave;

Nor a fool, for when others...

He can neither like nor save;”

a. What is the speaker’s opinion of witty men?

b. Why does he reject foolish men as well?

c. What does this suggest about the speaker’s expectations?

 

Q Read the lines and answer the following:

“Is there then no kind of men

Whom I may freely prove?

I will vent that humour then

In mine own self-love.”

a. What is the speaker’s tone in these lines?

b. What does the phrase “vent that humour” mean here?

c. What resolution does the speaker come to?

 

Discuss how Self-Love reflects the speaker’s frustration with the imperfections in others.

 

Examine the role of irony in the poem Self-Love. How does it affect the speaker’s final decision?

 

How does the poem use wit and logic to arrive at its conclusion? Illustrate with examples.

 

In Self-Love, the speaker explores various types of men only to reject them all. What does this suggest about human relationships and expectations?

 

Comment on the structure and progression of thought in the poem Self-Love.

 

Give a critical appreciation of Self-Love with reference to its theme, tone, and poetic devices.

 

How is the theme of self-love explored with satire and sharp reasoning in the poem?

 

Do you think the speaker is truly promoting self-love or is he hiding from emotional vulnerability? Support your answer with references from the poem.