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Humour Quotes - I Know All Those Words

 

Humour Quotes

I Know All Those Words 

“Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there.

"Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.”

― J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

 

“He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically.

“Green grass breaks through snow.

Artemis pleads for my help.

I am so cool.”

He grinned at us, waiting for applause.

"That last line was four syllables.” Artemis said.

Apollo frowned. “Was it?”

“Yes. What about I am so bigheaded?”

“No, no, that’s six syllable, hhhm.” He started muttering to himself.

Zoe Nightshade turned to us. “Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he visited Japan. Tis not as bad as the time he visited Limerick. If I’d had to hear one more poem that started with, There once was a godess from Sparta-"

“I’ve got it!” Apollo announced. “I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!” He bowed, looking very pleased with himself.”

― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

 

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”

― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

 

“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”

― Matt Groening

 

“There's no need to clarify my finger snap," said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself.”

― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

 

“It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”

― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

 

“Résumé

Razors pain you,

Rivers are damp,

Acids stain you,

And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful,

Nooses give,

Gas smells awful.

You might as well live.”

― Dorothy Parker, Enough Rope

 

“Puns are the highest form of literature.”

― Alfred Hitchcock

 

“It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.”

― Gertrude Stein

 

“Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.”

― Howard Nemerov

 

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?

Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?

Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”

― George Carlin

 

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

― Groucho Marx

 

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.”

― Kurt Vonnegut

 

“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.”

― Kurt Vonnegut

 

“The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”

― H.L. Mencken

 

“The world is a stage and the play is badly cast.”

― Oscar Wilde

 

“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”

― Oscar Wilde

 

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”

― George Carlin

 

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"

All the time.”

― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

 

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

― George Carlin

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