Of Parents and Children
by
Francis Bacon
(Essay)
The joys of parents are secret, and so are
their griefs and fears; they cannot utter the one, nor they will not utter the
other. Children sweeten labours, but they make misfortunes more bitter: they
increase the cares of life, but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The
perpetuity by generation is common to beasts; but memory, merit, and noble
works are proper to men: and surely a man shall see the noblest works and
foundations have proceeded from childless men, which have sought to express the
images of their minds, where those of their bodies have failed; so the care of
posterity is most in them that have no posterity. They that are the first
raisers of their houses are most indulgent towards their children, beholding
them as the continuance, not only of their kind, but of their work; and so both
children and creatures.
That
difference in affection of parents towards their several children, is many
times unequal, and sometimes unworthy, especially in the mother; as Solomon
saith, "A wise son rejoiceth the father, but an ungracious son shames the
mother." A man shall see, where there is a house full of children, one or
two of the eldest respected, and the youngest made wantons; but in the midst
some that are as it were forgotten, who, many times, nevertheless, prove the
best. The illiberality of parents, in allowance towards their children, is an
harmful error, and makes them base; acquaints them with shifts; makes them sort
with mean company; and makes them surfeit more when they come to plenty: and therefore
the proof is best when men keep their authority towards their children, but not
their purse. Men have a foolish manner (both parents, and school masters, and
servants) in creating and breeding an emulation between brothers during
childhood, which many times sorteth to discord when they are men, and
disturbeth families. The Italians make little difference between children and
nephews, or near kinsfolks; but so they be of the lump, they care not, though
they pass not through their own body; and, to say truth, in nature it is much a
like matter; insomuch that we see a nephew sometimes resembleth an uncle, or a
kinsman, more than his own parents, as the blood happens. Let parents choose
betimes the vocations and courses they mean their children should take, for
then they are most flexible; and let them not too much apply themselves to the
disposition of their children, as thinking they will take best to that which
they have most mind to. It is true, that if the affection, or aptness of the
children be extraordinary, then it is good not to cross it; but generally the
precept is good, "optimum elige, suave et facile illud faciet
consuetudo." Younger brothers are commonly fortunate, but seldom or never
where the elder are disinherited.
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